


Last to Know

by Unholy



Category: Union J (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 01:51:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2490116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unholy/pseuds/Unholy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>JJ had been in love with George since the moment he first saw him. However, George never appeared to see him as anything more than a friend. JJ knew he wasn’t good enough for him, anyway. George deserved someone who was just as</em> perfect <em>as he was, and JJ wasn’t even close. He could live with that, though, as long as he would be able to see George, be around him. To be there for him when he was upset, to cheer him up. But George didn’t even need JJ for that anymore, he had his girlfriend now. He talked to her about everything that bothered him, just like he used to do with JJ, even though she didn’t care half as much as JJ did.</em><br/><em>And JJ could</em> not <em>live with that.</em></p><p>Or the one where JJ is in love with George and it's killing him.</p><p>Based on the song Last to Know by The Wanted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last to Know

_Maybe you’ll find what you really wanted._

If JJ wanted anyone to be happy, it would be George. So when the curly-haired boy introduced his girlfriend to him with the brightest smile on his face, JJ smiled genuinely and played nice with her, even though all he wanted to do was scream and cry and rip his hair out and maybe eat some ice cream, because ice cream never failed to make him feel better.

The girl was actually really nice and beautiful, but JJ couldn’t help but feel like she just wasn't right for George. She didn't really care for him, cherish him,  _love_ him like JJ did. George deserved  _so_ much better than her, and no matter how much JJ wished  _he_ would be the one that George held every night, who he kissed and who he said ‘I love you’ to, he knew that was never going to happen, because the girl may not be good enough for George, but then again, JJ wasn’t either.

_Maybe I'll move on._

JJ had been in love with George since the moment he first saw him. However, George never appeared to see him as anything more than a friend. JJ knew he wasn’t good enough for him, anyway. George deserved someone who was just as  _perfect_ as he was, and JJ wasn’t even close. He could live with that though, as long as he would be able to see George, be around him. To be there for him when he was upset, to cheer him up. But George didn’t even need JJ for that anymore, he had his girlfriend now. He talked to her about everything that bothered him, just like he used to do with JJ, even though she didn’t care half as much as JJ did.

And JJ could  _not_ live with that.

_Or maybe I’ll just stay._

Whatever was going to happen, JJ would stay. He would always be there for George, whether George needed him or not. Maybe George would forget about him. Maybe he wouldn’t remember him. But he would stay right by his side, until the end.

_Either way, I hope you’ll understand me, if I say we can’t be._

George had finally found someone. Someone who was cute, funny, charming, beautiful. Everything JJ wasn’t. And still, to JJ it felt like she wasn’t good enough for George. JJ could see that she didn’t give George all she had. He could see that George needed love. Love she didn’t give him. Love JJ could and would give him. If George would just see...  
But then again, JJ wasn’t good enough for him anyway.

_So if you wanna go..._

George gave her all he had. He gave his all to the girl that didn’t deserve him. She didn’t really love him, JJ could tell. He could feel it. He could almost smell it. It mentally hurt him that George rather spent time with her than with him, his best friend. But on the other side, he totally understood. She was everything a guy looks for in a girl. But then again, she wasn’t. Now, all that needed to happen was for George to discover that too.

JJ’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door opening and slamming shut again. He heard a girl giggling and felt a headache coming up. Before he got the chance to move, George and his girlfriend entered the room. They didn’t even notice him at first, and JJ couldn’t help but feel a little hurt, even though he knew that was ridiculous. The was George looked at her broke JJ’s heart. His eyes were completely filled with love, and he didn’t seem to acknowledge anything but _her._ Their finger were intertwined and it made JJ nauseous, because he knew they weren’t meant for each other. Because he loved George more than she would ever be able to. It almost broke him, but he kept himself together. Barely, but he managed.

George only broke from the trance seemed to be in when JJ slammed the door shut behind him, with a bit more force than necessary.

_I want you to know..._

JJ locked himself in the bathroom, while George and his girlfriend were still in the living room. He took one look at himself in the mirror and felt only worse. He had dark cirkles under his eyes and he was pale. The expression on his face read nothing but hurt, and he was mad at himself for feeling that way. What was wrong with him? Why wasn’t he good enough? Why didn’t George just feel the same for him?

His eyes travelled down the full length mirror, taking in every inch of his body. His mind rapidly filled with hatred. Hatred, disgust, loathing, towards himself.  _Why wasn’t he good enough?_

Slowly, he sunk to the ground on his knees and extended a shaking hand to the cupboard under the sink. After rummaging through it for a bit, his hand finally closed around his razor blade. The small piece of metal gleamed slightly and he looked at it in awe. He breathed in deeply and put the sharp piece of metal to his wrist. Without thinking about it any further, he pressed down, causing a bead of blood to appear. He exhaled shakily before dragging the blade across his skin. A low hiss of pain escaped his mouth as blood slowly started trickling down his arm. It was already forming a small puddle on the floor, but at the moment he couldn’t care less. Suddenly, he felt nauseous again. His hands started shaking and he dropped the razor. With a soft clinking sound, it fell to the floor. JJ held his breath and just watched the blood flow for a few moments, before he managed to push himself up and started cleaning his arm. He couldn’t be bothered enough to bandage it, but he would have to hide the razor again and clean up the mess he made.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when there was a knock on the door.

“JJ? Are you okay in there?”

Fuck. Of course, it had to be George.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine,” he managed to squeak out. He winced at how shaky his voice sounded. Quickly, he shoved the razor in his pocket and started cleaning up the blood on the floor. He could practically  _hear_ George frown.

“You sure? You don’t sound like you’re fine.” JJ chocked on a sob at the worry that was evident in George’s voice.  _No_ , he wanted to scream,  _no, I’m not fine at all._ But he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t make the younger boy worried, because JJ wasn’t worth it. He might as well die, and nobody would give a fuck.

“I’m _fine_  George, leave me alone,” he said a bit too harsh as he opened the door, and his head was going to burst with guilt at the look on George’s face. He looked like a kicked puppy in every way possible, big brown eyes looking hurt as he nodded. His gaze shifted from JJ’s face to his arms and his eyes slightly widened at the sight.

“JJ, w-what is that?” he asked, his voice shaky. JJ glanced down, only to see the bright red cut completely in sight on his wrist. “Nothing,” he chocked out. He quickly covered it with his hand and shouldered past George, before George got the chance to say anything else. JJ practically ran to his bedroom and slammed the door shut behind him, locking it. After a few seconds there was a knock on the door and George’s now very concerned voice.

“JJ, open up. Seriously, what’s going on?” he asked desperately. JJ sobbed quietly into his hands.

“Nothing, go away,” he cried.

_I’ll understand you._

JJ just couldn’t do it anymore. It was getting too much for him. With shaky fingers he retrieved the blade from the pocket of his jeans en pressed the cool metal to his wrist. Breathing became difficult when he kept choking on his sobs and he could barely keep the blade to his wrist with how bad his hands were shaking. He pressed down and cried out when the cold metal pierced his skin and drew blood. George’s knocking became louder and his voice raised to the point where he was screaming desperately for JJ to  _please_ open the door. JJ ignored him, too absorbed in his own world of dull stinging pain and crimson blood to really process what George kept saying.

The knocking on the door soon became banging and just when JJ made the fifth cut, the door swung open to reveal a panicked, panting George with tears in his eyes. JJ froze, the blade buried in his skin, blood dripping down his arm onto the hardwood floor and into his clothes. The two boys just stared at each other for a few moments, in complete silence, with a tension so thick it made them choke. When a drop of blood hit the floor, JJ swore he could hear it. George didn’t move from where he was standing in the doorway, mouth slightly agape, eyes focused on JJ’s wrist. He didn’t say anything, he just stood there, his legs shaking so badly he had to cling to the doorframe, too shocked to move.

The only thoughts crossing JJ’s mind at that moment were that he couldn’t do anything right, he was such a fuck-up, he did everything wrong, and now he had hurt George. The pain was so evident in the younger boy’s eyes, tears falling rapidly and his expression so  _pained_ that JJ felt his chest tighten. The feeling of self-loathing bubbled up again and his vision blurred with hate directed inwards. He closed his eyes tightly and dragged the blade further across his skin without even thinking about it.

George gasped loudly, which made JJ look up. He honest to God  _sobbed_ and fell to the floor, on his knees. He quickly scrambled up again and ran out of the room, tripping over his own feet in his hurry. Loud sobs escaped JJ’s mouth and he covered his face with his hands as the realisation that he just lost his best friend hit him. After only a couple of seconds however, George re-emerged and dropped on his knees in front of the older boy. Carefully, George took JJ’s left hand is both of his hands and softly pulled it away from his face. JJ tried to stifle his sobs by putting his free hand over his mouth as he looked at George. The curly-haired boy avoided his gaze and focused on the still bleeding cuts on JJ’s arm. Slightly dazed from blood loss, JJ watched as George opened the first-aid kit - that he got when he ran for the bathroom - and started cleaning and bandaging his arm. JJ couldn’t keep his eyes off of the other boy’s face. Silent tears fell from George’s eyes, but he still didn’t say anything. Eventually, JJ couldn’t stand the deafening silence anymore.

  
“George...” he croaked out softly, voice barely above a whisper and raw from crying. Without a warning, George flung himself at JJ and buried his face in the crook of JJ’s neck, sobbing loudly. JJ blinked, surprised and shocked, but he put his arms around the crying boy and pulled him closer to his chest. JJ’s tears started falling again - he hadn’t even realised they stopped - as he placed his chin on top of the younger boy’s head.

“I’m so sorry,” JJ whispered. George just tightened his grip on JJ’s shirt and kept crying. Eventually, after quite a while, he calmed down a bit and carefully climbed onto JJ’s lap. The older boy lifted him up and placed him on the bed, before crawling under the sheets next to him.

“Why?” was all George said. His voice cracked at that one word. JJ opened his mouth to say something, to confess his love for the cute and always cheerful boy in front of him, but he stopped himself, closed his mouth again and shook his head, a watery smile on his face. “What does it even matter?” he muttered softly. “It’s not like anybody cares anyway.”

George scooted closer and sneaked his arms around my waist. “I care,” he whispered. JJ laughed bitterly. “Yeah, right. You shouldn’t have come here. You’re better off without me.” George started shaking and let go of JJ slowly, only to be able to look at him properly. “Don’t say that,” he whimpered. “I care about you, Jay. I really do.”  
JJ just shrugged and avoided his gaze. He couldn’t look into those brown eyes right now, and see how much pain he was causing the other boy.

_Just give me the chance to love you more than you’ll ever know._

“Why?” George asked again. His eyes were honest and JJ felt uncomfortable under his worried, but fierce gaze. “You know you can tell me everything, right? I’m your best friend,” George said softly. JJ snickered mirthlessly.

“That’s exactly the problem,” he muttered bitterly. George looked nothing but confused at this point. _It’s now or never,_ JJ thought. Very slowly, he leaned in until his face was only an inch away from George’s, and then suddenly their lips collided ever so delicately and fireworks were going off in JJ’s mind and his heart ached so badly from his love for this boy and all his senses were singing and he had never felt this good in his entire life, but then the moment was over and George was looking at him, utterly shocked, and JJ panicked and started to cry again.

“Sorry,” he managed to choke out, before he got out of bed and went to leave, embarrassed and knowing that he just ruined the friendship he and George had. He should’ve known George wouldn’t want him. Hell, who _would_?

_Even if it means I gotta let you go._

Before he reached the door, however, George’s fingers wrapped around his wrist - the not-damaged one - and pulled him back carefully.

“JJ...” he said, but he was cut off. “No, it’s okay, I understand. You love _her_ ,” JJ mumbled, his voice breaking, pulling his arm from George’s grip and hugging himself. “Go. I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have. I didn’t want to push you like that, but it’s just... I love you. I always have. And I just couldn’t do it anymore. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Fuck, you weren’t even supposed to know. I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me anymo-”

_With or without me, baby you should be happy._

JJ was cut short by lips suddenly crashing into his. He froze, completely taken aback. _He doesn’t mean this_ , was all that he could think. _Why would he want me?_

George slowly broke the kiss after a couple of seconds. He looked at JJ with teary, bloodshot eyes. “I’m sorry,” George croaked out. “I’m sorry for making you feel that way. I never meant to do that.” JJ smiled sadly. “I know. It’s not your fault.”

_If you’re heading down another road..._

“I need to be alone for a moment,” JJ mumbled, trying to push past the younger boy, to the bathroom. The razor blade felt heavy in his pocket. George tried to stop me, but I pushed him aside and quickly locked the bathroom door.

“JJ! Open up! Please, open the door!” George begged. JJ ignored him and sunk down to the floor, his back against the bathtub, razor in his shaking hand. He pressed the piece of metal to his chest and the feeling immediately calmed him down somewhat.

_Don’t you leave me with nowhere to go._

“JJ, please, just open the door,” George kept begging. He pressed the razor harder to his skin. George’s loud sobs made his stomach clench. “JJ, I love you,” he said. JJ fell silent for a moment, but then he snorted. “You’re only saying that so I won’t do this,” he stated, sounding a bit strained. George’s sobs got even louder, if that was possible. “No, I mean it,” he whimpered. “I’ve always loved you. I just thought you didn’t feel the same about me. I... you can get any girl you want, Jay. You’re perfect. So why would you want _me_?”

JJ froze, shocked about what he heard. He put the razor in the sink, ignoring the blood still running down his other arm, and opened the door. George came tumbling in, as he had been sitting on the floor with his back pressed against the wooden door. He got up and immediately clung to JJ, before they both sat down in the middle of the bathroom floor.

“I love you because you’re the sweetest, funniest, loveliest, most handsome guy I know. I love you so much, you can’t even imagine. You’re my everything,” JJ whispered in George’s ear. George giggled - he fucking _giggled_ , it was the cutest sound JJ _ever_ heard, even though he had already heard it over a thousand times - and a smile broke on his face, despite the tear tracks on his cheeks.

“I love you too, Jay. So much.”

_Don’t let me be the last to know._

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for reading :) This is my first fic so please don't judge me if it's not too good.  
> Here's my tumblr if you ever want to talk: [[x](http://scarswillstayfurimmer.tumblr.com)]. Also follow my 5sos tumblr if you like: [[x](http://tinymichael.tumblr.com)].


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